New Normal

My daughter’s life has now transitioned from childhood to adulthood.  This has become her new normal.  Day to day life without her here at home has now become my new normal.

When you’ve spent 19 years of your life raising a child, it’s a very strange feeling and experience when that time comes to an end.  I’m excited and have great anticipation of what God is going to do in her life, but at the same time, there’s a kind of sadness knowing that my role in her life from here on out will be forever changed.  It’s the way it needs to be and has to be, but it still feels weird all the same.  It’s a new normal for the both of us.

Life brings many changes that produce “new normal’s” throughout our lives.  Some we welcome with great joy and happiness, such as a wedding or the birth of a child.  While others are thrust upon us with great sorrow and pain, such as a divorce, an illness and especially, death.  These are the new normal’s that are the hardest to bare.

I have experienced all kinds of new normal’s in my lifetime, and here are a few or so words of wisdom that I’ve gleaned along the way.

1.  Accept and don’t fight your new normal.  This is one of the hardest things to do, especially when the new normal is difficult to embrace.  But, it is also so very necessary in order to properly function in your new normal.  Whether you want it or not, this new normal is now your reality.  To fight it is to live in a lie, striving after something that no longer exists.  And it will completely wear you out!  As difficult as it may be to accept, the struggles will lesson as time goes by and it will get easier.  On the other hand, if you choose to fight it, the struggles will only increase and drag on and on and on until finally, you surrender and accept what truly is.
2.  View it through a different lens.  Even if you didn’t want it, see it as a fresh start, a clean slate, an opportunity to do something different, a new beginning.  It’s common to look back at what was and wish it were still here.  It’s the natural thing to do.  Even for the new normal’s that we embrace and welcome.  Because let’s face it, any change has it’s challenges!  Unfortunately, to stay focused on the past and “what once was” only drags us down and causes us to become dormant.  We loose life and energy when we do this.  On the other hand, when we choose to view this new normal through a different lens–as an opportunity, a new beginning, a new start– we then can receive new energy.  This will provide us the means to move forward, allowing ourselves to live more fully once again.  This new normal has the capacity to grow us in ways we never could have before.  It can also take us places we’ve never dreamed of going.
3.  Be patient and give yourself some grace.  Any kind of change will take some adjusting to, even changes we welcome.  It takes time and patience to settle into a new normal.  Change rarely comes easy and adjusting to it, rarely happens overnight.  So, be patient with yourself and most importantly, don’t give up!  When you’re having a hard day, don’t beat yourself up, but give yourself some grace.  Sometimes, it takes a whole lot of baby steps, and even some tumbles along the way, to get to where we want or need to be.
4.  Try to find a reasonable balance.  As you face your new normal, you will more than likely be stretched in ways that you’ve never been before.  Be realistic with yourself and find a healthy balance.  Accepting your new normal does not mean completely wearing yourself out in order to adjust to it!  Don’t be a lone ranger, but seek help from others.  I know, it can be hard at times to reach out.  We don’t want to feel like we’re someone else’s burden.  But, the reality is that we do need help from time to time, sometimes more often than others.  Don’t allow fear or pride to get in the way of soliciting help.  You are no good for yourself or others if you completely burn yourself out!  Trust me, this was a hard lesson for me to learn.

As I adjust to my new normal, and my daughter adjusts to hers, may we both embrace these words of wisdom.  May they also bring wisdom, help, and guidance to those who read this blog when facing your new normal’s. 🙂

I thank you Lord for the wisdom you have taught me throughout the years as I’ve faced my new normal’s. May I apply it in my life today, as well as help my daughter, and others, apply it in their lives as well. ❤

James 1:5

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.